Love Me Some White Boys

I’m not racist, I swear. But I have a preference for white boys. I don’t really know why. I’ve only dated one “white boy” and the rest have been black. I’ve had crushes on almost every race…except for Asian, but that’s probably cuz they’re so tiny. LOL.

Anyway, one awesome thing about living in Lancaster is that there are a whole bunch of white boys. I love looking out the passenger side window on drives.

There’s even a whole row of cute white boys at my job. Unfortunately, my cubicle is on the opposite side, but I always make sure to pass by them on my break.

The first one that caught my eye (med. length black hair, tattoos) turned out to be gay. But then, I saw the new guy, who started working around the same time I did, but was training with a different group.

I was talking to my co-worker and new friend, Stacy, who I befriended by chance (her phone wasn’t working so they moved her to the desk next to mine for a week). We were in the middle of one of our many hilarious conversations, when Mr. Cutie walked by our row. My eyes almost fell out of their socket! He stopped to talk to us- well, Stacy, who had been in the same training group- and after he turned around to walk away I looked at Stacy and mouthed, “Oh my god, he’s so cute!!!”

Cuz…he is.

So every day during my first break, I make sure I pass him. I keep hoping he’ll notice me and check me out. Maybe even like what he sees. :P I would love to talk to him, but that seems unlikely since we’re on opposite sides of the room.

Well, tonight, right before work, I made a quick pit stop to the bathroom. When I was coming out, I passed him in the hallway. He looked so yummy, he stole all speech from me. Which is why, when he said hello, all I did was smile like a retard and kept walking.

Now he probably thinks I’m rude and not all there in the head.

Doh!

Then later, he went to put something on our Account Lead's desk (which is located behind mine) and I almost chocked on the water I was drinking. Not sure if he noticed or not. But when he glanced in my direction, my internet window was loading up this dress up game for 8 year olds (what!? I get bored at work and they have all the social sites blocked)

That's two for two.

Update (FINALLY!)

Wow, it's been 2 months since I last updated this blog. I'm such a horribly lazy girl! I've updated my other two blogs, and just kept forgetting about this one. :( I'm sorry.

A few things have happened since I last updated, and rather than think of a way to word it so I tell you everything, I'm just gonna copy and paste parts from my other blogs. Cuz I'm lazy, member? :P

1. Last October I entered a contest. It was a fanfiction contest where we had to take 1 of the characters from Linda Wisdom’s 50 Ways to Hex your Lover, and write a short (1500 word) story. I won. (Yay) I got an autographed copy of 50 Ways… and an autographed copy of the second story in the series, Hex Appeal. I also got some yummy hexy smelling body stuff. But the best part was that I got to be a character in one of her books. I even got to pick what color hair and eyes I’d have.

Well that book, Hex in High Heels (4th book in the series) came out this October! I, of course, had to take my tush to WalMart and get a copy. It’s a weird, satisfying, giggle-inducing feeling seeing Jennifer Santiago in a book, and know they mean me.

(Now if only I can get my name on the FRONT cover of a book :P)

I just wanted to share that with you guys. And thank Linda Wisdom for having such an awesome contest and for liking my lil fan fiction best. It warms up my insides. Hehe.

Anyway, if you want to read my fanfiction click here.

I still have to put a review up on Book Universe, and I’ll do that soon. I know it’s been a while, but I’ve been very busy. I wish I had enough time to do all the things I love to do, but alas it cannot be.

2. I’ve got a job! Woo! I’m a Customer Service Representative. I love it! I work nights (6 p.m-1 a.m), which is awesome considering I’m a night person. I spend my time taking supplement orders for old people. It’s hilarious. The things old people do.

I probably shouldn’t make fun, that’ll be me one day. But I give everyone permission to make fun of me if I ever call a CSR and put them on speakerphone so I can argue with my spouse and question my marriage.

I’m still living with my mother. Some days it’s okay. Other days…well…let’s say I almost went back to Connecticut. Seriously, my friend drove all the way to come get me and everything! (Love you Jeff!)

I’m really homesick. Some days more than others. Today, I’m really homesick. I got a call from my 6 year old nephew. The first thing that comes out of his mouth when I answer the phone is, "Where have you been!?"

I’ve explained to him a few times that I moved. He seemed to have understood. But now that he hasn’t seen me in over a month, I think he’s beginning to get it…and not understand. He kept telling me why I couldn’t just go over there; If I wasn’t working at my old job anymore. It broke my heart.

And what about my writing? Ha! Ask me again next month. I suck, plain and simple.

I finished the second story of The Cotton Candy Girls series Halloween night. Then I had 1 hour to brainstorm for NaNoWriMo. My first day was good. Then I blew it. Today is the 20^th and I’ve only written about 6k words. NaNo has officially kicked my ass. And it doesn’t help that the new expansion pack for The Sim 3 came out Tuesday. I bought it the same day it came out. I’ve barely slept.

Though last night I didn’t sleep for a different reason. What that reason is…I’m not quite sure I can explain.

I got this really strong feeling that I needed to write, but I couldn’t. My head is clogged up with too many ideas and I can’t pull a single thing out. It’s kind of like when you’re switching radio stations really fast, you hear all kinds of songs, and in the back of your mind you even recognize some of them, but you can’t actually pinpoint the particular song. You just know you know it. And if you try to go back, you can’t find the song because a) you don’t know exactly what station it’s on. Or b) the song is already over.

Did that make sense? Anyone? Anyone at all?

3. Last night (November 29th), I finally received a response from Sapphire Blue Publishing (drum roll). They said I wrote very well. They liked the premise of the story and the characters. I do have some issues, however. Some mechanical stuff, passive voice, the dreaded show, don’t tell comment! And apparently I have a sub-plot but not a plot (oops). So I have to fix that.

They said that they would like me to resubmit it after I’ve revised it.

That’s good, right!? LOL.

I can’t even begin to tell you guys how I feel!!! It’s all a little surreal at this point. Like it’s a dream I’m going to wake up from. When I checked my inbox last night, I had to do a double-take because my mind wouldn’t compute what it read when it saw the sender information. I was so terrified to open it! I almost called Lisa so she could verbally slap me out of it.

Every hour or so, there’s a small window where the surreal feeling goes away and all these other emotions come out. Most of it is shock, happiness, and the urge to cry.

My dream is so close I can taste it. I can graze it with my fingertips. I had not expected to be this close so soon. It’s a bit daunting.

I kind of wanna go hide under the covers. :P

Now I have to go back and find me some external conflict. Hmm, this ought to be fun. LOL. Actually, it is! Reminds me of when I used to take AP English in high school. The whole thing is frustrating, and I’m gonna want to pull my hair out…but I love it! I love taking my baby and helping it mature into an adult.

Oh god, there’s that urge to cry, again.

And that's what you've missed. I'm currently revising my story, I'm about half way done. I would have been done by now but I had a really bad cold last week. Spent my time working and sleeping.

I got my first job evaluation. 91.4% :D I worked Thanksgiving and I was trained on 2 new accounts. Also, my supervisor wants me to train for Customer Service. This is good. The more stuff I do, the more useful I am, and the more they'll keep me around. YAY!!!

Till next time! Hopefully, it wont be 2 months from now.

Update: Life & Writing

Howdy!

I hope everyone is doing good. Give me a few seconds to gather my thoughts...

For starters, I've relocated. As of last week I'm no longer residing in Connecticut. I was having a lot of issues at work and with my landlords, so I've moved to Pennsylvania with my mother.

Lack of independence is brutal. But she offered me a place to stay. To relax, work on my writing, and I took it.

I'll be starting the job search real soon. Wish me luck!

I've spent the last week trying to put things in order in my new- smaller -bedroom. I'm homesick. And I'm really nervous about starting a new life in a new state. I've lived in CT for 17 years. Everything was familiar. Now when I look out the window and see the buildings, I don't know what I'm looking at.

You know that feeling of claustrophobia?

You know that feeling one gets when they sit and think about the universe; how we're just a speck living in a speck that's located in a speck of billions of specks?

Combine those two and that's exactly how I'm feeling.

Hopefully with time it'll pass. Hopefully. In the meantime, I'm going to be out of touch. I have no internet. Right now, I'm at the public library. Which thankfully isn't that far from where I live. (Thanks Lisa for looking into it.)

I can't tell you guys how much I miss the internet! It's my life. Sad, I know.

**Momentarily distracted by a cute white boy**

I've also spent the week talking to my friends back home. I miss them so much. But I don't cry anymore, yay! (Yeah, I know, I'm a wimp. Got a problem with that?)

I've also been texting Lisa. She's the only familiar thing I got left. She's probably tired of me. Hehe. Sorry, Lisa.

Lisa wants me to finish my story by next week. I told her I would. WHAT THE HECK DID I SAY THAT FOR!? I'm gonna try. I hope I do. I really want to start brainstorming for NaNoWriMo. Ideas have been bubbling to the surface and I keep pushing them back. I know once I open that door, there will be no stopping the ideas from consuming me. They're kinda like Pringles: Once you pop the fun don't stop! So while the ideas are trying to come out, I'm keeping them away best I can. I want to focus as much as I can on Ashley's story before I go get excited on new ideas.

Still waiting to hear from SBP. It'll be exactly 2 months in 2 days. I don't think they liked it. Oh well. I wont think about that yet. I'll worry about finishing this story and NaNo, then I'll figure out what to do next.

That's all that I've got to report on. Till next time!

Writing Progress/Meter

This was a hard and surprisingly productive week for me.

Halfway through a sex scene, I realized I couldn't go on. Not because I was having difficulty writing it, but because it felt wrong. This wasn't supposed to happen, so I had to go back and delete about 5 pages (and by delete I mean cut and paste into a new document called "Alternate Scenes," hehe)

But that hurt! It hurt so bad! You know that feeling when you have to rip a band-aid off really quick? Well like that, but instead of ripping a band-aid you're ripping skin. (Too graphic?) I was sad, angry, and frustrated. I wanted to cry, pull my hair, hurt someone, and I sat down and questioned why it is I want to be a writer. Every time I opened my journal to write, the fact that I lost 5 pages would come back and mess with my head. I was scared to write. What if I wrote another 5 pages and it didn't fit either. It was stressful and scary.

But slowly I began to write. I spent the week writing at work in my journal, and when I got home I still wrote on it. I refused to type it up because I didn't want to obsess over my word count, which is something I do when I'm writing on the laptop. And I got most of my original word count back (I'm about 200 words away). Not only that, but these 5 new pages move the story along much quicker, and I think I'm actually going to finish this story sooner than expected. And it's going to be shorter, too, by at least 5000 words.

So I'm still going at it. Slow, at least for me it feels slow. But I am making progress, even if it feels like I'm not a lot of the time.

Dream Kiss

What comes before or after does not matter.

I was with my roommate and I spotted him. I didn't want to seem obvious, that I like him, so I didn't approach him. But I couldn't keep my eyes from landing on him over and over. I ignored everything my roommate was saying, I was too focused admiring him.

Our eyes met and my heart skipped a beat. My feet began to move on their own, an enormous smile coming across my face. He was sitting at a water fountain, his smile led me to believe he was as happy to me as I was to see him. I sat down next to him - too close, but we both didn't seem to mind.

I don't recall what we talked about, all I know is that all of a sudden he threw his arms around me in a hug. It was nice, I like hugging him. He didn't let go right away, instead he kept talking - in my ear. He told me he missed me, and I moved my head back so I could see him - our faces a few inches from eachother - I looked into his brown eyes and I knew he was going to kiss me. But I didn't think he liked me the way I liked him, so I thought he was going to kiss my cheek, which is why, when he slowly leaned in, I turned my head, giving him my cheek.

I'm not gonna lie, it was the sweetest kiss my cheek had ever received. He left his mouth there longer than he needed to, and for some reason, this innocent kiss made me blush, my head drooping down slightly. Maybe because I could feel something in the air between us, and it felt like desire. As he slowly pulled away from my cheek I began to turn my head, facing him once more. He stopped, our lips so close to one another that I wanted to weep. And when I looked into his eyes once more, I saw the same emotion reflected in his eyes, a split second before I felt his hand tighten on my shoulder and saw him close the distance between our mouths.

It was a soft kiss, experimental. In my mind, I couldn't believe that he was kissing me, and I think he was as surprised as I was. The kiss last 2 seconds, I felt him slowly retreating, not sure of how he ended there or how I was going to react. I could feel his restrain, passion bubbling at the surface. I wanted that passion. So as he pulled away, I lightly bit down into his lower lip, slightly pulling him back, and then I let go. That was all it took. He brought back his mouth to mines, this time pressed more firmly against me, and pulled me even closer to him.

The kiss was passionate, full of hunger and desire. Everything faded away except for this man and this kiss. Every inch of my body tingled, and I felt like I was up in the sky lounging on a big, white, fluffy cloud. When our lips parted and he looked at me with a mixture of shock, astonishment, and desire, I felt so complete. Like I finally found that small part of me that was missing.

Now THAT'S a kiss! Damn! Can't stress it enough how badly I'm crushing on this individual. And now it has me wondering if that's how he really kisses.